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Post by hellion on Mar 27, 2006 10:02:57 GMT 10
Some of you may recall that I've spent the last two and a bit years stumbling towards an MA in creative writing. I intended this to be the first stage in a long process of getting my act together and doing something worthwhile with my life. I chose to take the course over two years because I thought that would give me ample time to complete the manuscript to my satisfaction.
After a promising start it all fell to pieces around the middle of last year. I didn't have the support network of workshops to depend on any more and was spending far too much time inside my own head. When I did manage to produce something I was just so relieved to be writing that I couldn't tell if it was good or bad.
Time ticked by and submission day drew closer. I didn't stand a snowball's chance in hell of being ready so I asked my uni's English department for the first of many extensions. This process continued until last week when they finally got sick of me and told me just to hand up what I'd done so far. I'm not happy about that at all but at least I'll have something to show for the last two years of self-torture, even if it is only eight measly chapters!
Leaving aside all my misguided hopes and ambitions for an ideal future, I'd like to know how to get my confidence back (creatively speaking). Writing used to be fun for me. It was still hard work, but I enjoyed the journey and somehow managed not to be absurdly self-conscious about every smeggin' word.
Nowadays every time I sit down at the keyboard it feels like I'm about to circumcise myself with a sharpened chopstick. That (obviously) is not a sensation I look forward to and the sooner I get over it the better. How can I get back on track and stay there?
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Post by spyndleshanks on Mar 28, 2006 12:25:10 GMT 10
I'm not a professional writer so I'm not sure how valuable my advice is but I'll put it out there anyway.
When I was writing my thesis I totally lost interest in my topic. What I produced wasn't anywhere near my best work because I simply didn't care anymore. I didn't write anything for months afterwards, either fiction or non-fiction.
Now to the good part, what got my motivation back was hearing about other people and their writing experiences - Scaeriefaerie in particular. Hearing about how she was discovering her characters as she wrote, how they were taking her on a journey, sometimes to unplanned places, made we want to write my own characters, to give them life so to speak (although that sounds a bit fluffy you get what I mean). I was too hung up on structure and planning every detail of what was supposed to happen (blame my non-fiction background) that I stopped enjoying it. Now I'm happily being taken god knows where by these characters.
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Post by hellion on Mar 28, 2006 12:52:10 GMT 10
Oddly enough I first came up with the idea during my godawful Honours year and had a great time with it while it was a distraction. Now the enjoyment has become a chore and I don't feel at all connected to what I'm supposedly doing. Two years ago I would have told you it was the best story ever and a fitting tribute to the memory of my grandmother, who used to read and watch all kinds of mysteries with me and always figured out "whodunnit" within about ten minutes  . I owe it to her, to myself and to my characters to write this thing as best I can, and I'll do it once I can figure out how to loosen up and have fun again. |
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Post by einsamkeit on Apr 1, 2006 20:04:55 GMT 10
What you've said there about it being fun when it was a distraction just about sums it all up I think - I have the same problem (on a much smaller scale - I mean, the course I'm doing isn't creative writing, I just write for fun) I find that I am most prolific and enjoy writing the most when I really ought not to be doing it - when I should be doing homework, or waitressing, or whatever.
Funny creatures that we human-beings are, I think we like to be over-worked and stressed and upset - at least to a certain degree. I find that when I am on holidays, or have a weekend free, and think "Oh boy! Writing time!" all I really do is end up lounging around watching Veronica Mars or Millennium (both of which are most pleasing ways to spend one's time - yet as stimulating and thought provoking as they, they are just not personally creative in the way writing is) Anyway, to cut a ramble short-ish, I have this twisted theory that we like to be in pain - and we need something to hate - in order to get those creative juices flowing. Writing used to be fun for you - when you didn't have to do it.
You need to find something to do in your spare time away from writing that you hate to do (get a job at McDonalds, volunteer at a childcare center, etc) and I bet you'll find all your love of writing flooding back on a tsunami of relief because, yes, writing is something that is good and fun and wonderful to do - but only when you have something worse to complain about.
Wow, that was a totally convoluted reply - I hope it made some sense.
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Post by spyndleshanks on Apr 1, 2006 22:25:50 GMT 10
That's a really interesting perspective. I've heard aboout art being connected to pain - the old "tortured artist" but I never really thought about seeking it out in order to provoke the muse.
I used to write all the time in high school and uni, and pretty well I thought. High school was a bad time for me and I hardly had any time because I was also working part time. But now I'm all finished with school and can have all my evenings and weekends free to write (if I choose to) I find it harder and harder because I procrastinate. Time just isn't valuable when it's that readily available.
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Post by hellion on Apr 2, 2006 15:53:58 GMT 10
Einsamkeit, once again you show yourself to be a woman of impeccable taste. Millennium was and continues to be one of the biggest influences on the kind of stories that spew forth from my brain. I've just finished watching the third season on DVD and more than half of it is new to me, thanks to Channel 7 and their all consuming football obsession. "Writing used to be fun for you - when you didn't have to do it." John Lennon once said something similar. The songs on Double Fantasy came easily to him because in the five years beforehand he'd all but given up on music to be a house husband. When he started composing again, he was able to enjoy it because he didn't have record company suits breathing down his neck looking for another million seller. (BTW, I make all these music comparisons because I'm a frustrated rock god. When I was a kid I wanted to be Ace Frehley, but I can't play guitar to save myself so I started making up stories instead!) "I find it harder and harder because I procrastinate." I could procrastinate for my country if I were at all patriotic. Had I made as much effort with writing as I have with putting it off, there'd be no reason for this thread . The human brain is very lazy and doesn't like to be pushed into anything. That's why it's such a surprise when new and exciting ideas come along. "Time just isn't valuable when it's that readily available." Right again. I could have written a seven volume epic in all the time I've spent answering mail, posting on messageboards, cleaning out my desk and alphabetising my CDs. This "I'll do it tomorrow" attitude has resulted in too many nights spent feeling sorry for myself with Dark Side Of The Moon on repeat in the background. The other main problem I run into is that none of my ideas seem anywhere near as cool as the source that first inspired them. I know there's no originality left in this postmodern culture of ours, but if I can't come up with something that fools my fragile ego into believing it's the best thing ever, then why bother? I'm sounding maudlin and defeatist so I'll shut up for now and come back when I have something more positive to say. Thanks to you both for reading and contributing. The search for my lost mojo contines... |
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Post by einsamkeit on Apr 6, 2006 21:09:40 GMT 10
Woah, hold on, you watch Millennium too? Dude, will you marry me?  I have a hard enough time finding people who have heard of the show, let alone watched it. My goodness though – you’ve actually reached the end! My most heartfelt condolences to you, my friend - how terrifying and bleak a future with no more Frank Black in it must seem. I myself am up to the 2-parter season final of Season Two (and I’m distraught enough about that – because this season, man, possibly the best thing I have ever seen in my life) But hey - how did Season Three work for you? I haven't heard anything about actual plotlines, I just know that quite a few people were rather disappointed by it. Would you say that's because it was axed and never really reached any sort of conclusion? Or is there some sort of problem with the stories themselves? Maybe I don't want to know - I mean, I'm going to watch S3 no matter what, I just suppose it might be nice to have some warning if it doesn't live up to the complete and utter gloriousness of S2... Back onto the topic of writing (and I'm understanding any feelings of inferiority you're having, writing wise  Millennium has the most intriguing and engrossing mythos I have come across so far and would certainly be hard to match, let alone top. Good luck with that.) Anyway, for my Writing Fiction unit on Tuesday, the university had Shane Maloney come out and give us a bit of a lecture (he's such an odd man - I'm not entirely sure that I'd like to know him. He's very funny, and witty, yet somehow unsettling...) Anyway, he claimed that there were only three types of stories, meta-stories if you will: 1) a stranger comes into the village 2) someone goes on a journey 3) a horse walks into a bar And you could do a similar list with character types. And another small list for reasons for committing crimes (eg. the seven deadly sins, though sloth would probably be hard to work with...) Point is, like you said, there's no originality left - you just have to make do with what is available to you (unless you want to move into the realm of the fantastical - but even then you're constrained but what we already know - I mean, the Gryphon is unreal, but still half-lion and half-eagle) You just have to try and twist what's known into new combinations - undead space cowboys? Or use a really old, totally predictable plotline - and people it with fantastic unexpected characters? Man, I ramble on so badly. I’m not saying anything new (no originality even in advice!) I don’t know what I’m talking about – I’m not a writer, so I shouldn’t be giving out lame suggestions. Besides, I really shouldn’t be writing anything at the moment – I’ve just spent the last 7 hours doing an English essay and my brain has turned to mush.So, yeah, to finish up: if you’re not totally protective about your measly eight chapters – I’d love to read them, if you wouldn’t mind. Even if they suck (only when compared to Millennium of course…) |
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Post by hellion on Apr 7, 2006 18:57:15 GMT 10
Woah, hold on, you watch Millennium too? Dude, will you marry me? Happily, but I don't think you know what you're getting yourself into. I'm higher maintenance than just about anyone you can think of ;D. Don't believe *any* of the bad press you read about MM Season 3. It is a change in direction from the esoterica of S2, but only because neither Lance Henriksen nor Chris Carter liked all the conspiracy stuff and tried to restore the show's original focus. For the most part they did a damn fine job and still managed to incorporate some of Morgan and Wong's changes. Although there's a dud episode here and there, overall you won't be disappointed. I love "Thirteen Years Later" for reasons that will become obvious when you watch it, but that's only the tip of the iceberg. Back on topic, I got an email from my supervisor yesterday that both lifted my spirits and made me feel like an utter fraud. I don't know what the examiners have been smoking, but they somehow decided to give me a distinction for the eight chapters I submitted. Eek! This has encouraged me to push on with the damn thing until the bitter end and then apply for a Ph. D next year. The dream is alive and well, my friends... |
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megs
Neophyte
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Post by megs on Apr 11, 2006 13:47:57 GMT 10
I thought of a few ideas to help with writing. I'm not a writer either, but I'm doing a PhD so I'm no stranger to self doubt and running around looking for the nearest pyre to throw my work on...
1. Read writing manuals for advice on how to get into a routine and get out of sticky bits (a couple I remember are No More Rejections, by Alice Orr, and the other good one was something like Writing a Novel, by Loren D Estleman). These books helped me to progress out of a few interesting characters/ several good beginnings and nothing else.
2. As has already been said: read about other writer's experiences (I read the intro to The Essential Clive Barker and other author autobiographies (Like Stephen King's On Writing, Douglas Winter's Clive Barker, The Dark Fantastic, and Conversations With Anne Rice by Michael Riley).
3. Try some short stories/ academic articles. Whichever suits you. They helped me to get rid of some ideas that were bugging me, and gave me a little practice at the submission/ review merry go round.
4. Avoid using the computer and write longhand. I find a blank page more forgiving than a blank screen. There's also more distractions with a computer like loading times/ games etc. I found myself making up elaborate rituals centred on spider solitare.
It sounds like the people at your uni really believe in your work if they gave you a distinction. Where I am, people who read my (academic) work say "wow, an academic that can write." Of course, I have no idea what they're talking about, but we're always our own harshest critics.
Finally, what does everyone think about the idea of making up a group based on this site, where we post (or email) each other work and critique it? To protect our own work, we can snail mail a copy to ourselves, and not open it for copyright purposes.
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Post by einsamkeit on Apr 11, 2006 16:41:39 GMT 10
High maintenance? Don't be silly - besides, if you ever do becomes difficult, I'll just chain you to the tv and make sure Unledded and Millennium are in easy reach. That ok with you?  As for Millennium - I finished Season Two last night - and am still feeling shell shocked and somewhat shaky. I have to admit though, I am finding it hard to imagine how they continued on into a third season - there are a lot of broken people to stitch together, not to mention a whole world to fix. I am intrigued as to how they pull it off. I almost jumped straight into S3, just because I was so, well, traumatized is probably too strong a word, but certainly very distressed by the finale, but I think a break is definatly in order - I need to digest before I watch any more. (How did you ever bear to watch it on television? The season breaks must have been excruciating!) Alas, I'm lamenting the loss of Roedecker, but you've got me looking forward to Thirteen Years Later - so, all hope is not lost. Anyway, "back on topic": like Megs said, your supervisors must think you are doing something right, so congratulations on distinction! It may be slow going, but it sounds like your work is really polished, so, just keep at it - you might have it finished in a decade or so - and isn't that an exciting and inspiring thought? Also Meg, I really like your observation about writing longhand - I've always prefered it, and you've just explained why. |
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. I owe it to her, to myself and to my characters to write this thing as best I can, and I'll do it once I can figure out how to loosen up and have fun again.
I have a hard enough time finding people who have heard of the show, let alone watched it. 
Millennium has the most intriguing and engrossing mythos I have come across so far and would certainly be hard to match, let alone top. Good luck with that.) Anyway, for my Writing Fiction unit on Tuesday, the university had Shane Maloney come out and give us a bit of a lecture (he's such an odd man - I'm not entirely sure that I'd like to know him. He's very funny, and witty, yet somehow unsettling...) Anyway, he claimed that there were only three types of stories, meta-stories if you will: